


Closer

by ToxicTrashRat



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drinking, Fluff, Holy shit the beginning is so angsty, I cried while writing this, M/M, Matt is Mentioned, Mutual Pining, Near HATES alcohol, Pining, Running Away, but then the middle and the end are so fluffy, but you might not, first time drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26017021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicTrashRat/pseuds/ToxicTrashRat
Summary: Near after years of being trapped at Whammy’s finally runs away, and when a few months later he runs into an old... friend.It’s his ex-boyfriend.Requested by silveroddity.
Relationships: Mello | Mihael Keehl & Near | Nate River, Mello | Mihael Keehl/Near | Nate River
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	Closer

Inspired by Closer by Chainsmokers.

-

Near shoved the last shirt into his bag, and wiped a stray tear from his eye. He needed to control his emotions, otherwise he’d never get out of here.

As he looked back upon his childhood home (though you could hardly call it that), filled with all the people he cared about (there was only really one, but he left years ago. Matt was his friend, but he knew Matt wouldn’t care whether he left, so long as Near was happy. Near called him from a motel in a small town from the US last time they’d talked.)

The neatly trimmed hedges rose up like tall rectangles, perfectly geometric. Cut. Edged. Trimmed. Everything here, including people, was trained to color inside the lines. If you were an outlier, you didn’t survive.

Roger used same cookie-cutter teaching methods Whammy’s had used since L to raise everyone else, including Near, Matt and Mello. They had already left though, and Near was about to. Funny enough, they were also the top three scorers in the establishment, which according to Roger, also made them the smartest.

Goodbye Whammy's.

Near shut the trunk, and got into the drivers side. This was his first time driving, but he’d certainly watched people and learned everything he could about road and driving laws. Getting pulled over was not part of his plan.

He’d planned this for months, and when the barely operational car arrived from a junkyard, he’d hidden it in the forest on Whammy’s extensive grounds. He’d bought the tire needed to fix this piece of junk and learned how to change it himself. He’d even had help from Matt before Matt ran away and caught a flight to the Canada.

”Okay. 10 and 2. Left brake. Right drive.” Near recited to himself, and pulled the keys from a hidden pocket in his pants. He twisted them in the ignition and the car grumbled to life loudly. He pressed the gas pedal and hurtled forward a few feet

Near screamed as he almost ran into a tree, swerving out of the way just in time to avoid a head on collision. Okay, maybe driving was going to be harder than he thought, but there was no going back now. He’d learned the layout of where he needed to drive to get to the main path. There was a town thirty miles north Near could drive to.

Near spent the next few minutes driving through trees in the pitch black, glad the car still had one working headlight (even though it flickered every now and then). He sighed deeply as he saw the road up ahead, a thin paved two lane, and Near swerved to the right. He straightened himself out in the left lane.

”Holy shi- I’m doing it! I’m going to get out!” Near started crying tears of joy. He used his right sleeve to wipe his misty eyes.

He was going to be okay. He was free now. He was going to be _happy_.

-

That was four months ago.

Near moved into an apartment after hopping from motel to motel until his car broke down. That took about sixteen days.

He was currently in a bar for the first time. He’d always wanted fo know what alcohol tasted like.

”I’d like uhhhhhh...” he said, looking at the vast array of choices.

”Just turned 18?” The bartender asked, mixing a drink in a silver tin.

”Is it that obvious?” Near asked.

”Yes.”

”I’ll take a Black Russian.” Near said. The bartender looked at him funny, like he was joking. He shook his head a little and then began pouring our another drink.

”One Black Russian coming up then.” The bartender wiped out the tin and began making something else. A few minutes later, Near had a short glass sliding towards him with a dark brown liquid with ice cubes inside.

That was when his night went from good to mediocre.

He took a sip. The acrid liquid burned his mouth, and he spat the foul liquid back into the cup and sighed. Well.

”Near?” Someone said in a lilting Russian accent behind him.

That was when his night went from mediocre back to good.

”Mello?” Near turned around, hating the longing in his voice. It’d been so _long_ since he’s heard Mello’s smooth voice.

Mello stood in front of him in a red leather jacket, black leather pants and a short shirt that showed off his stomach. Mello’s old rosary hung around his neck.

”Of all the places to run into you... this wasn’t the place I had in mind.” Mello said with a small grin. He eyed Near up and down. The glance made Near’s heart flutter.

”It’s not the place I thought I’d be either, and oh would you look at the time!” Near pulled up his sleeve to reveal on nonexistent watch. “It’s getting late- I have to GO-“ Near said, slamming a ten down on the counter and turning towards the door to leave.

”Wait Near- please don’t go yet.” Mello said, grabbing his arm. The momentum spun Near around, forcing him to look at Mello. ”Can we please talk?” Near bit his lip and looked at his abandoned drink.

”...Fine. Say your piece.” Near said, taking another sip of his foul drink. It wasn’t as strong this time, a blessing when Near realized he’d done it because he hoped it get him through this conversation with Mello.

”I just wanted to ask if you understand what I said four years ago.” Mello asked.

”What you said? How could I not understand? You weren’t happy there, so you left everything behind.” Near’s expression faltered. “Including me.”

”Near...” Mello said, putting his hand on Near’s. Near didn’t have the heart to pull it away.

”No. You left and that’s all there is to it.” Near paused. “Is that all?” Near hoped it wasn’t, but hope always ended in a broken Near, broken feelings, broken skin. He shoved hope down until he could put his emotions back where they belonged.

”Near... you left Whammy’s too. You don’t have a bodyguard here, if Roger would even let you go to a place like this. You ran away.” Mello said, leaning closer to Near. “Do you understand why I did what I did now?” Mello said.

He wanted to know if Near finally understood why Mello ran away, because four years later he’d finally made the same decision.

”...I do.” Near’s expression cracked, his lip quivering and his cold hands shaking in Mello‘s warm ones.

”Then I have a proposition for you. We both understand why I left now, we can pick up where we left off.” Mello said. Near sat, shocked.

”Pick up where we left off? _Pick up where we left off?_ ” Near was angry. “You told me you loved me, and then the next week, you said you were leaving. You left me like I was _nothing._ Do you realize how much that hurt?” Near’s voice was sharp as a knife, his voice edged with steel. “You think that will fix all the pain you put me through? Everything hurt so much, and I hoped, wished you’d turn around and say ‘just kidding, I love you’ and then when you _didn’t_ I had to deal with everything _alone_. That’s not pain you can fix overnight or with a drink or some words.” Near said, his last sentence hard and painful. “You hurt me. And you can’t just erase that.”

Near only realized Mello had let Near say everything he needed to until he had finished saying it. Mello inhaled deeply.

“I-“ He paused. Like the words weren’t right in his head. “I see now that what I suggested isn’t an option. I-“ Mello swallowed. One sentence, one word even- and Mello _knew_ Near would never love him, maybe even speak to him again. “I know what I did was wrong, but I’m only now seeing how wrong it was. And so I want to officially say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for every single tear you shed because of me. I’m sorry for every time I hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t realize what I did was hurtful until right now.”

Mello continued. ”I’m sorry for everything Near. And I want to fix it, make it up to you. But only if you’ll let me. If you want to sip the last of your drink and walk out, tell me and you’ll never see me again. I promise Near.”

Last time Mello had made Near a promise, it was right before he left. He said he promised he’d love Near- for the rest of his life. But Mello had kept every single other promise he’d ever made- his promise to buy Matt a switch, his promise to learn Arabic so he could secretly converse with Near, his promise to let Near take whatever clothing from his closet so long as Mello could ask for it back. But Near couldn’t tell if Mello had broken the promise to love Near unconditionally- until Mello’s very last breath passed through his lips.

So Near shoved down his emotions and took another sip of the Black Russian. The logical thing to do would be to finish his drink and walk away. But all of Near’s repressed emotions came bubbling up, simmering just under his skin. He didn’t want to walk out.

”Make it up to me? How?” Near asked pitifully.

”For tonight, we drink until we want to stop, and then we go for a drive around here and talk. We’ll just let the night take us wherever we want to go.” Near paused, considering it.

That pause felt like _eternity_ to Mello. Funny enough, those four years without Near felt the same way.

”...Ok Mello.” Near smiled, though it felt forced and awkward. It looked that way to Mello too. “What antics have you been up to these past four years?”

”Not much. Just odd jobs here and there, traveling around. The UK is beautiful.” Mello reconsidered his statement. He tacked on a, “Sometimes.” Mello jested, and Near smiled. 

”And by jobs you mean...?” Near asked, and looked at the bottom of his empty glass. He might want another, after the first sip it wasn’t so bad. Strong, but not unbearable. He flagged down the bartender, and ordered another, while Mello ordered two whiskey shots.

”I worked in retail for six months, but my other job legally prevents me from telling you I kill people for commission like a death artist.” Mello winked.

”Mmm, last time I saw you, you had morals. What happened?” Near raised his eyebrow.

”I research every person they send me. And it’s only every now and again. I do things on my own terms. You know that.” Mello said. “So how is... how was Whammy’s?” Mello asked.

”Oh-“ Near was a bit off-put. “Whammy’s was...” he didn’t want to tattle on Whammy’s.

”I get it. The reasons you left Whammy’s were probably the same reasons I left.” Mello rubbed his thumb against Near’s hand, sending a little jolt through Near.

“...Whammy’s was beginning to become less home and more of a prison. I felt trapped... and I didn’t have anywhere I could go or anyone to run to.” Near said.

”How’d you get out? I grabbed a bike and severed some assets before leaving.”

”Four months ago, I bought a used car and drove out. I also took some money with me. I didn’t bring much.”

“That sounds much nicer than riding a bike thirty miles.” Mello said. The bartender returned with their drinks. “So what are your plans now?”

“Well, I’ve been living off severed funds, but there are a lot of things I want to do that I never did before. This is my first time drinking.”

”Ever? You never stole from Roger’s liquor cabinet?” Mello said in wonder.

”Mello, after you left he figured out you’d been stealing from it and L genius-proofed it. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.” Near responded.

”Huh. The image of L trying to make a liquor cabinet inaccessible to us is pretty entertaining.”

”A lot of things changed after you left.” Near said, his voice squeaking. The buzz of the alcohol settled in his bones. Thinking was... harder.

”...Like what?” Mello said. His tone sounded dangerous. He knocked back both shots in quick succession.

”They put bars on the windows. They gave a lecture that demonized you. They tried to... tried to...” Near’s voice cut out, a tear slipping from his cheek. “They took everything that was yours from me. They tried to brainwash me into thinking that I should hate you.” Near was openly crying now. “But I never could. I could never hate you Mello.” Near said, sobbing. “All I have left is this stupid photo of us when we were six.” Near clutched Mello’s hands like he was leaving all over again.

”Well if you don’t hate me, clearly Roger did a shit job.” Near tried to wipe his tears, but Mello lowered his hand and wiped them away himself. Mello tried to calm him, but he was practically useless in these kinds of situations.

“Why am I crying so hard? I don’t normally cry when I think about this.” Near said, looking at his bare hands.

”It’s probably because you’re drunk Near. Alcohol... takes down some of your walls. So if you don’t normally cry, you might cry a lot more.”

”Oh okay. So I shouldn’t drink anymore?” Near stuttered.

”Probably not.”

It took a few minutes for Near to calm down, but when he did he felt much better and sighed deeply.

“Okay Mello. I need to pay the... I need to pay the...drink chemist!” Near said. “Bartender. I forgot the word.”

”Okay, pay for your drinks and I’ll pay for mine.” Mello said, digging through his coat pocket. They quickly paid, and they both walked outside.

”Where’s your car Near? Or do you wanna take my ride? Either way, I’m driving.” Mello said. Maybe letting Near drink more than the first Black Russian was a bad idea. But that was okay, if Near vomited or passed out or pissed himself, Mello would take care of him. He still had his wits about him.

”Mello... let’s go on a drive. Let’s go watch the world together.” Near said.

”Near, you’re drunk. Lets go on that drive, and then I’ll take you back home. If you still feel the same way sober, then we can talk.” Mello said. He didn’t know where Near lived, or even where his car was, so Mello opted to drive his own Rover.

”Hey Mello, is that your car?” Near said.

”Mhm.”

”Did you buy it?” Near asked in wonder. His piece of shit car had cost less than 10,000 pounds. It was a mishmash of parts and bad paint jobs and only the bare essentials for driving worked. The wheel, gas and brake, and the shift. Everything else was broken or missing, and it only had two intact seats. It made noises, and guzzled gas by the litre, but it worked.

Mello’s however, was very nice, a brand new Rover. The carpets were clean and crumb-less, the windows were shined and had no weird water spots or dead bugs on them. There were no dents or scratches, and every single thing in the car worked perfectly.

”Mmm... maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.” Mello got in the drivers seat and Near got in the passenger side.

Near gasped. “Did you STEAL it?”

”...Perhaps.” Mello dodged. Near gasped again.

”You DID steal it!” Near said.

”Well I was on a job and he wasn’t going to use it, so I borrowed it.” Mello said, smiling. “Real ass of a person too. Apparently he kidnapped the son of the person I was working for and did some rather... unsavory things to him.”

”Did you find him?” Near looked at Mello with starry eyes.

”I found parts of him.” Mello stretched his mouth into an awful contortion, not a smile but not frown. It looked uncomfortable, and Mello leaned his head against the steering wheel.

”Oh Mels. I’m sorry.” Near said.

’ _He’s even using his old nickname for me. Jeez, he’s really drunk. What the fuck did the bartender use to make him this drunk on two drinks???’_ Mello thought.

”Okay let’s go on that drive.” Mello finally started the car and began driving through the little roads, towards a destination unknown by Near.

”Yay! Where are we going?” Near asked, stretching his arms up and yawning. Mello hopes he’d stay awake long enough to see it.

”To a spot.” Mello diverted.

”What kind of spot?” Near asked.

”A spot somewhere. You’ll like it, don’t worry Near.” Mello said.

”Okay. I’m trusting you.” Near said.

”That wasn’t the impression I got from you earlier.” Mello said.

“I know, but I’m trusting you with this. Let’s just go have fun.” Near said with a big smile. Seems Near had bounced back from earlier.

”Okay Near. Whatever you want.” Mello pulled off to the side of the road, in a little dirt stop. “We have to get out and walk from here.”

“Will you tell me where we’re going now?” Near asked.

”Nope. You’ll just have to see when you get there.”

”Y’know, this is normally how people get murdered right? You’re acting veeeeery suspicious.” Near said.

”You think?” Mello replied.

The walk was silent, a small dirt trail leading down ambling hills, with soft loamy dirt that feels soft under bare feet. Vines hung from thick trees, ivy wrapping around the trunks and intertwining with the branches. Near stepped over a rock covered in moss and followed the path right. The air smelled fresh and salty.

”Almost there Near.” Mello said, and then they turned sharply to the right-

Heaven. This was heaven.

The crisp air bit through Near’s shirt, as the clear waves rolled onto a small beach. The fine sand drifted along the little ripples in the tide as it drifted lazily back to sea. Black rocks of all shapes and sizes sat on the beach. The moon shone brilliantly, illuminating the whole beach. The sky was so clear, the whole cosmos visible to Near, constellations and planets and the odd satellite here and there. 

”Come on. The water’s fine.” Mello said, grabbing Near’s hand gently. The moonlight bathed Mello in silver, dancing in his bright eyes and reflecting off his scarlet leather jacket. His smile was bright and wide, shining like physical happiness, and showed just how excited Mello was to show Near the world.

Near smiled and let Mello take him wherever he wanted to go.

-

Mello looked back at Near, a goofy grin on his face, at how happy he looked. Near was beaming, and Mello had never seen him so happy. The moonlight shone upon the angel following Mello, and Mello couldn’t help but think he’d been chiseled of marble. No, chiseled wasn’t the right word. Neither was carved, nor sculpted.

Near had been shaped, molded like warm clay in your hands. As much as he tried to be, he wasn’t hard, frigid marble. He was warm clay, moist and easy. The burnt sienna kind that sticks up your fingernails and smells warm. Or he was a sketch with charcoal, delicate tracing and light lines except for those dark eyes that had seen so much and still had so many things to see. Gentle strokes of coal on a rough sheet of paper, unlike the harsh lines of Mello himself. He smudged sometimes and stained your fingers, but Mello wouldn’t have it any other way.

That was who was following Mello. Near trotted along behind Mello, and at the cusp between wet and dry sand, Mello stopped.

”This is what I wanted to show you. I come here when I want to be away.”

”How did you find it?” Near asked. The gentle hush of the waves urged them to speak quietly, to whisper in the night. Near didn’t like to follow social traditions, but he was alright with letting the ocean guide his actions.

”By complete accident. Surely someone else knows about it. But I’ve never seen someone else here. And so I like to pretend this place is my secret.”

”The best kept secrets are the one you never tell, Mels.” Near traced little patterns into Mello’s hand with his thumb.

”Who do you have to tell?” Mello jabbed and Near laughed.

”Well I could always send a postcard to Matt.”

”He’s still around? I thought he left Whammy’s. He’s the only other person there who didn’t drive me up the wall. A friend, if you want a better description.”

”Then what am I? Do you consider me a friend?” Near said impishly. He smiled lightly.

”I’d consider you more if given the chance.” Mello looked at Near to see if what he said was okay. Near turned more towards him, but stayed silent. “Now that I’m seeing you again I’m realizing that I never really got over you. I still love you.” Mello said, gripping Near’s hand.

”...I lied earlier Mello.“ Near admitted. “When I said that I could never bring myself to hate you, that wasn’t the full truth- ...I still love you too.” Near said, breathless. “I loved you harder than I’ve ever loved anyone. And even though I tried and tried, I could never bring myself to stop loving you.”

”Then we’ve got a lot to talk about.” Mello said, kissing Near on his nose, the way Near always asked him to when they were younger. “But in the morning. I don’t want to do this when we’re both still tipsy and fuck everything up.”

”Okay Mello. I’m tired anyways. Was there anywhere else you wanted to go?” Near asked. He yawned, and looked at Mello with lidded eyes.

”No love. If you’re tired we’ll go... I’d say home, but I have no clue where you live.” Mello said, he covered a yawn with a hand.

”Home is wherever you are Mello.” Near said, and leaned in so Mello could put his arm around Near as they watched the stars.

-

Near laid down on Mello’s bed with one of Mello’s black tees on and briefs. His clothes had been folded neatly at the end of the bed while Mello changed. He tossed a shirt over his shoulder and slid a grey tee over his torso. Mello slid into the covers next to Near.

The sheets were smooth and the mattress was comfortable. Mello’s thick comforter was heavy, and Mello was warm and smelled nice. Like sandalwood with a faint undertone of hard liquor. And something sweet, like chocolate. Near couldn’t pinpoint what that last thing was, before deciding it didn’t matter as he snuggled into Mello’s chest and falling fast asleep.

Whatever problems they had could vanish until tomorrow morning. And no matter what troubles or hurdles they came across they both knew one thing, even though it hadn’t been said tonight.

They’d deal with it together, the way they always had before.


End file.
